Take a good look.......Not so pretty.

The term selfish: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Know anyone like this? Sure you do.

So what do you think about people in your life who's primary focus is themself? And why do we try and build relationships with this type of individual? It is baffling. I could not for one minute comprehend what it would be like to spend my days absorbed in my own self righteousness. But sadly, this day and age, there are more and more of these people in our everyday society.

No, I am not talking about my numnuts. Yes, he is somewhat self absorbed, but not full on selfish. He cares for others well being, he will give to those less fortunate and he loves his family and friends. Most importantly--he does not lie and cheat to get what he wants..he earns it. I am talking about those who care so much about themself that they latch on to anyone who might GIVE them something more. You know what I mean--those fair weather friends. The ones who are all about you when they are in need (self assurance) and then once you help them pull their head out of their ass---they are on to someone else who they NEED to complete them. They disguise who they are just to get more. Well the jig is up--you are being revealed!

Here's a thought: When that selfish person falls on their face as they will again (Karma) this time--do not bend over and pick them up. You see--the truly self absorbed individual will forever fall and as tough as it may be not to help (because this is who you are) DON'T! Let them learn that they too must support and promote the needs of others. I know--hard to do, but necessary.

Truth of the matter is as follows....the selfish one will finally plateau. They will end up in that place where you know you will never be--alone. I mean really alone. I do not wish this on anyone, but I do think it is time to look deeply at those around you and ask yourself--what has she done for me lately? And then ask again--what have you done for her lately? If it does not equal out or even come close....get rid of her.

I have a long line of loving friends. Most of whom I had for my entire adult life. There is a reason for this. Taking in new people in your life can be dangerous territory. You help them, you trust them and you love them. Then suddenly when it is their opportunity to provide support or admiration for you--they fail. Yes, this does happen from time to time with the seasoned veterans of your life, but they have earned their pass.

So for those of you out there that wake in the morning and only make time to praise yourself--think again. The givers of the world will step over you on judgment day, but lucky for you once inside we will probably do what we do best and reach out that hand to let you in. Earn that extended hand people. Life is in impression and the mark you are making is not attractive.

If you have something good to say that does not involve only you--then call and tell someone today. No one cares about your money, no one cares about your greed, no one cares about your simulated good times---tell us something you have done for another.

Can you?

Never on a Sunday

Ironically, I hate Sundays. Something about them--most of them anyway. I carry with me a huge feeling of emptiness, loss, misdirection and a soft sadness. I wonder what others are feeling today? What are they doing? In the past month I have alienated myself from the few that I have in my life. I am not sure why......something comes over me and I suddenly see them all differently. Not in a bad way--just different.

The vast majority of time people who come to me only speak of the sufferings in their lives. Nothing catastrophic--just miseries. It wears me down...mostly because I too have misery, but want so much to surround myself with positive outlooks--but where are they? Don't get me wrong--I care about their misery, but I can't fix it for them. Maybe that is what bothers me most. I for one do not drown others in my routine aggressions from life mostly because no one but me can make it better. So why bother.

Everybody has an issue. Period.

Where is the humor? What about the just getting together to share a meal these days? Why is everything about what is wrong? It wears me out. Sometimes it can be crippling. When is the last time someone called you and said--hey I am so fucking happy right now I could piss myself!!!! My response would be--just do it, piss yourself it would be hysterical and good for you!!

Do you think the older we get...the lonelier we get? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Through life you build relationships, meet more people and build that network, but do we? If I think back 8 years ago--I was never alone. NEVER. What has happened to us all wanting to be together. Work? Lack of time? Selfishness...maybe.

Some of you have that network I speak of---so, hold onto it and don't hurt it or take it for granted and please, please, please, make them laugh. Call someone today and tell them a knock-knock joke or something so simple. Then when they laugh at how stupid it was take a deep breath and swallow your need to tell them what is wrong with you today and instead make them laugh again.

My quote: "I give and give and give until I can't TAKE it any more."

My Box or Yours?

Let's see...where do I begin? It has been some time since I produced yet another, rip, roar, rant so I suppose you can say--I have been idle. All in all things have been pretty--progressive.

The home front while still in existence is exactly the same as it has been for the past 2 years--we exist. I have been on somewhat of a roller coaster ride suddenly feeling as if I should know exactly what all of my next moves are to be--and now! Holding pattern making me crazy. As many of you know I took a leap at checking out the corporate world (as a nobody) only to last a mere few weeks--which really should be no surprise if you know me at all.

I do not understand how people can spend years getting up every morning, going to the same building that they do not own, working in a space loaned to them by someone who has full control of their creative juices and sadly never getting to explore what they love and do best. I met a whole bunch of them at the firm. It was kinda sad. A few of them were genuises (web guys) who only stay there for the health insurance (they have kids).

My short stint as a nobody at a LARGE advertising agency was yet again a reminder that I must stand behind my belief in me and my abilities and follow my passion for taking risks and building my own empire. Thing is...it doesn't have to be a massive empire--just my empire.

Why does work have to be precisely that: Exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor. Produce what? Accomplish what? The salary that has met its potential.

Ewwww--that sounds horrible. Why aren't we all entrepreneurs? What does it take to be just that......I know! It takes throwing away all of the ideas that society puts in our heads about following that labor force mentality. Personally, I would rather have a lot less then spend my days absorbed in work that does not stimulate my mind or make me feel good about myself. I am not suggesting that all people go to that "labor box" and simply plug away for nothing, but I am starting to think that most people do. Then, you plug, stress, start to own a few things (society says you should) then you can never leave that "labor box" because if you do----all of those "things" will be jeopardized. Can't lose your things ya'll!

I say, "Who needs all of those things?" That mad rush to buy a house! For what? To own something? There are a millions of things that you can own, but that house now guarantees that you MUST go to that "labor box" and if you ever thought about being an entrepreneur...you better think again. Anyone heard about those thousands of foreclosures? Those poor people have no house, but I bet they have that great "labor box."

I always love to ask people what are you good at. Ask yourself today and them write it down. I mean really good at.......then write it down. Are you doing that today? Is it possible for you to do that tomorrow? Are you happy doing what pays for that house? For the record: I do know some that do enjoy earning their keep--but they also do what they love.

My wheels have been spinning and all of you may soon be invited to explore the launch of "The Cohort Inc." details to come, but with the collaboration of a few great minds---the next phase of take that risk Sunday may soon appear. Of course I will be asking for all of your support!

My next blog is to tell everyone how I have decided on my 40th b-day to hit the sperm bank (or some hot 20 year old) and pray for a son. If I can't seem to teach the ones around me how to be manly...I will have to produce my own. See there's that damn entrepreneurial mindset again!

http://www.thecohortinc.com/ coming soon to a business near you. I want to fight for all of the risk takers in the world!

Someone Call the Guiness Book of Records.........

Sound the alarms! Call the press! Today is a milestone in my life! It is my 4 year anniversay to Numnuts.....4 years! I can't even believe it! This makes the record books as Citizen Sun's longest running relationship---EVER! Since I am soon to be a fabulous 37, it has me doing some thinking about how this has been my longest relationship and why?

I started thinking about my past slew of men (and there have been a few) and I had to question why did Darren make it so long while the others had failed? Then all at once it hit me.....it has everything to do with my age! There is no way in hell I would have made it this long with my sweethearts workaholic mentality if I were younger. So, I suppose, I am what I dispise.......an aging woman who has settled. YIKES!!!! EEWWW! HELP!!! Just kidding, it is ok. Truth is...I haven't married so therefore I haven't really settled--I call it SITTING IDOL....vrooom, vrooom!

Here's the kicker--instead of grabbing my little Numnuts and doing the traditional woman thing--by saying, "It has been 4 years Darren, isn't it time you step up to the plate?" I am leaving town today on a very exciting business trip and while planning that I realized, hey, I got it pretty good! Numnuts doesn't cause me any grief for my last minute out of town jaunts, he works 12 hours or more a day and only needs me for face to face interaction from 9pm-11pm, he does not question my devotion or committment--EVER-- and all and all.....I do as I please.

My point with all of this is: Maybe the time spent with Numnuts was a major growing spurt and also a time that proved that I don't need a man for my happiness! I always knew that one, but I have learned how to manage both ends of the spectrum. So to Numnuts--I say thank you. I can't gaurantee another 4, but I can say that he has been honest, let me grow on my own and throughout the time I learned so much about myself.

For those of you who do not know my Numnuts--as you can imagine, I can be quite the task when warranted...so I think he deserves some credit. Overall, he had the best of care and devotion and for the most part deserved it.....but this party ain't over yet! I feel a huge new sense of empowerment today and since I finally made history for myself---it may be time to shake things up a little!

I told my sweetheart a couple of months ago that everything about 2008 is new and exciting for me--some big milestones are happening. Usually, I change everything in my life on a 3 year rotation....can't wait to see what happens now that I have surpassed my 3 year crunch. Hooray!

Ok...hope everyone is well and feel free to send me congrats on my big achievement! If you know me and my history---you will know that this is a very big deal! God bless Numnuts for breaking the record!

CS

Eve Should Have Skipped the Rib..........

What in God's name has happened to our men? That is my opening statement with my closing to follow.

Before I even start, if this offends you or you want to create some banter about it---it probably does apply to you. For those of you men (who I know are reading this) that have a problem with what I have to say--bring it on man, bring it on!

Since when did men become such pussies? Yes, I said it--they have no balls and no idea what a woman needs---PERIOD! And it is not just poor little Numnuts, it is the vast majority of men I come across anymore. What the fuck happened to fighting for the woman you want? What about stepping up to the plate and acting like the animal you are? You men talk about us boo-hooin, bitching all the time, not given up the "goods" when the truth of the matter is---NONE OF YOU CAN FUCKING PRODUCE!

I am not going to give examples: Ladies you all know what I am talking about. The big talk game. I gonna do this, I can do that, I rule the fucking universe---you don't rule shit! I have never thought in a million years I would run into a society of men that have no fucking idea what it is to be a man....to a woman. What did your mother's do to you? I should kick her ass!

Spoiled, weak, mindless, heartless pussies. And I mean it. Numnuts really isn't a big part of this--believe it or not. It is the rest of you who have the chance to be better than Numnuts and fucking blow it in record speed. Wimps. You men wouldn't last a fucking afternoon without us picking up the disasters of your stupidity. Shame on you for losing the backbones your fathers gave you. They were real men.

Ladies if he ain't producing and crying like a little bitch or talks even remotely wrong to you--get rid of him now before you get stuck there thinking he is gonna grow some balls. He won't, but maybe, just maybe in some cave in the middle of nowhere some guy is shacked up--who hasn't been tainted by society, his mother, or a psycho ex fucking wife--just waiting for you. I can live just fine in a cave with a real man.

Now have a great day folks............love yourself.

This will probably bore most of you, but what the hell. I have a solution for anyone who may get a spare hour, have some anxiety, come home and be disgusted by the days events, view the world as a slow progression as the armpit of the world, or just plain want to feel good........

You must turn on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). I for one am not much of a T.V. rat, so trust me when I tell you this is worth a look. It never fails---early morning, late night, Sunday afternoon, rainy Monday, this channel will uplift your spirit and remind you of how exceptional the world used to be.

This morning I woke at 4:34A.M. and decided to stay there for a few extra minutes. Instead of the misery of the morning news (murder, corruption, finance woes, those disgusting presidential elects) I would enjoy my favorite click to good ole TCM. I really lucked out!

This morning a great classic titled "Red-Headed Woman" was on and I was immediately enthralled. Produced in 1932, starring Jean Harlow and Chester Morris--is a perfect addition to your morning delight. Oh the beauty of those people and those days. I would have killed to live in the that era! The woman are smart, sassy, sexy, and RESPECTED. Everyone is dressed, the men are shaved and obviously smell good (I love their suits and hats), the women have places to wear a fabulously tailored dress (they have gorgeous curves), the drama is healthy and enlightening--not grossly violent or sexually fowl, their grammar is perfect and they REEK of class and seduction.......everyone. Let's not forget the music--you can actually feel the pleasantries of the notes.

Could you even imagine such a beautifully simplistic way of life? I can. Thanks Ted Turner for showing me at any hour of the day what I missed and how fucked up we are now. Come on....women respected? Watch an old movie people.

Cheers.

The Power of One.......

For the record: I do not think this picture is funny, I think it is sad and displays the twisted anger of those dealing with this loss.

Why do we put the fate of our own happiness in the hands of another? Everyone I know does this. EVERYONE! So, before I get deep into this--and the skeptics "come a runnin"...every person I have ever met has allowed another person to cause them severe misery at one point in time.

Why do we let this happen? Is it that love thing? Is it that we don't love ourselves enough? Aren't there more important things we could be doing with our time than being absorbed in emotions caused by another human being?

Here is what I think: We are taught to establish relationships, we are groomed to make them meaningful and beneficial to continue the procreation of the human race. Problem is...we have to pick one person. How in the world is one person supposed to meet all our desired needs? It is impossible so we make due with what we have and go on.

We pick a person, (sometimes abruptly) and we try and try to make a wholesome and loving environment usually sacrificing many of the joys of life, but we try. Now what happens when that someone decides they don't want us anymore or we don't want them? You have just spent years accepting the relationship, building a future and suddenly you are left with nothing. According to many in this situation--the nothing they feel is ridiculously overwhelming and sometimes intolerable. So what are they to do?

A very good friend of mine has had his entire world overturned thanks to the unwarranted decision of his wife of 20-some years to leave him. According to him--she would not accept his attempt to provide more for his family when he had to start working 100 hours a week. This man who is insanely kind and loving is now shattered because she so selfishly decided not to accept his work ethic.

I being someone who has lived with a workaholic for several years understand her dismay--slightly, but I could not imagine destroying someone just because they are making an attempt at a better life for me and our family. This is all that he has done. The first 20 years this guy was home for dinner, always there for the kids, pampered his wife and now he is left to pick up the pieces that she tore apart and it is very trying.

My friend is just one of many whose world is upside down because of another. How can one person be so powerful? How long will it take for this great guy to heal those dagger wounds? Why is so much precious time and energy taken from him all because of another human beings ability to be so wretched? It is an age old mystery.......

My point with all of this is: If we love ourselves more than we love another, will it help us when the relationship fails? How is it possible for some to just walk away, rip the life out of another and go on? I for one have always been pretty good about moving on--it has come with age and experience. I have also found a tremendous love of thyself. I wasn't looking for it, time spent alone will do that to you, but I am glad I found it.

So the discussion here today folks is--what can we do to protect ourselves from the wrath of another. If we lose someone of are forced to release someone, what is the best way for a quicker recovery? If you are a heartless freak, then this one is not for you. I know a lot of people going through divorce and I have to tell you---it is frightening. The anger and hurt is almost inhuman. Maybe we should just spare ourselves the potential dangers and not expect anyone to fulfill us.....but what would we have then? It is just so confusing.

Should we all just become emotionless zombies? Oh and for those are thinking...just find someone else--that migth work for some, but I doubt it is the best answer. My suggestion to my friend is for him to turn that hurt for her into admiration of himself.

Any thoughts?

Moral Martha is a Drag.........

When we decide upon our choice of mates--how do we really know that this one is the right one? What if you venture off on a weekend business trip and just happen to sit next to someone who actually finds you as interesting as you really are? What if this person has all of the elements you have described in your head a million times as your perfect mate? What if they are available and you are not?

I bet this happens all the time. But how many people go home and think, "Boy, I would love to have someone like that!" I bet that happens all the time. What if they have that thought and then look over and find their chosen one is the exact opposite as this fancy new stranger? I know what they do.....they sit there and stay miserable to uphold their morality.

Here is what I say to that: Fuck morality. Besides the tales of heaven and hell, what has morality ever done for anyone other than really give you a good conscience? Did you ever get an award for your good morality? Did all your friends and family stop by with a "cake and presents" the day you decided to NOT accept a drink from a hot guy across the bar? Did you get a promotion and corner office because you live your life as "Moral Martha?" NO.

Oh and for those who always think I am referring to myself with this one--your right! Anyway, here is the meanings of morality:

1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

2. moral quality or character.

3. virtue in sexual matters; chastity.

4. a doctrine or system of morals.

5. moral instruction; a moral lesson, precept, discourse, or utterance.

We immediately need to remove #3. And for #4, I want to know who wrote the doctrine and why do I have to live by a system? For #5, who's the instructor and what do they know.

Oh I bet you christian people are boiling about now! How dare she...the morality she speaks of was spoken by Christ. Right? I feel ya, but Christ lived a very, very, long time ago and let's face it things have changed. I haven't seen a camel rolling through the grounds in awhile....so maybe we need to update our "new and improved" list of what is and is not morally acceptable.

For the record: I am not only referring to morality as per relationships--we are plagued with its restraints in everything we do. My definition of morality is one word: Guilt.

We feel guilty for eating wrong, sleeping too much, talking too loud, looking too good, have big money, having no money, I have even felt guilty for giving too much. I assure you in my mind this all goes hand-in-hand. I am going to have to get back to this subject later, but if your out there and you want to beat me up about the Christ thing, or you want to tell me the world would be utter caios if we dropped a bit of the morality then please.......I would love to hear from you. Our woes in the world have nothing to do with morality--it comes from greed. Entire new subject for later.

Again for those of you who think my writings display some hidden message of misery--pick up the phone and call me. You will see I am a very happy person with a wicked mind that likes to rant--so don't be so dramatic!

Citizen Martha

Is it Really Easier? No, it Sucks.

Hello sweets. That is my newest greeting to those I care for. Anyway, lately I have found myself discussing and of course listening to a various individuals talking about their "committed" relationships. What I have discovered is no secret, but to hear it over and over again and quite honestly relate to it in some sense is sad and should be addressed.

My "research" has shown that more than 85% of women who are in a committed relationship for more than 3 years claim to feel trapped in their supposed bliss because they CAN'T AFFORD TO LEAVE! YIKES!!!!! I swear to God this has been the response of almost everyone woman I come across. It send chills up my spine when I think about this (as I do of course) over and over. So let's explore exactly what that means.

Let's say her name is Sandy. She is 32, beautiful, has two little ones (also beautiful) and her other half, Paul is the primary bread winner. Now Sandy has remained a great companion, mother, home maker, and even put a massive attempt into obtaining her education and has dreams of becoming a marketing mega star! Here's the problem: Paul is an ass. He treats Sandy like a child and not like an equal. He clearly enforces that she is the lesser of the two because she is not providing the household income and has even tossed poor Sandy and the babes to the curb a few times. Tell me what Sandy is to do?

My immediate response to Sandy is to bury that SOB, but in reality she has no where to go, no money to get there, and ultimately feels like a failure breaking apart her family. So, she stays, takes his verbal abuse and will most likely spend the rest of her life wishing she were somewhere else. The only other possibility is when Sandy finishes school, she will get a job in her desired career path and be able to tell jackass Paul to go fuck himself. But do you know how hard that will be with two kids in tow? I couldn't even imagine.

Next case: Gina. She and her man Tony have been together for 4 years. They had planned early on to work together to make a future and all was heavenly bliss for the first 2 years. Tony is a workaholic, never even attempts to spend any time with Gina, nor does he appreciate her for the never ending love and care that she displays for him on a daily basis. So what's the problem? Gina has been busting her ass to achieve a new career goal for the past 4 years. When she met Tony she had just recovered from falling flat on her face after a 10 year run of independent success and failure. OK still no big deal, but here it comes.......although Tony is not a bad guy per say, he has never taken any interest in her abilities, potential, dreams or any of her wants and needs. He has basically pulled her in and left her to spend 7 days a week with no one. For the record: Tony does not share in his success with her--other than paying the majority of the household bills. She fends for herself, but has the ease of not paying the mortgage. Her name is not on the house so she refuses to pay rent to him. Tony throws that one in her face all the time.

Why you might ask? Because Tony is again the primary bread winner. His income surpasses hers and he is well aware that if Gina leaves him because of her loneliness she will struggle economically and her plans that she has been working on for their future may crumble because she will have to probably work 2-3 jobs to remain in the lifestyle she is accustomed to. OK, some might say, "If she is that unhappy then she should just leave and so what if she has to live in a little rinky-dink apartment and work 10 jobs." After 4 years of truly standing beside her man, making his life as comfortable and pleasant as possible..why should she have to struggle and give up her dreams just because he is a spoiled baby? So she sits and she waits. She is waiting for one of two things: Either Tony is going to wake up one day and realize what a prize he really has (in reality we all now this is not going to happen) or Gina is finally going to get what she is working towards and then be torn as to whether she CAN leave him or not.

You might be saying--why wouldn't she leave him if she is that unhappy? Here is her answer: The guilt is overbearing and although Tony could care less about her happiness, she knows he is not a bad guy. She also is one of those women who is prone to putting every one's happiness before her own. She thinks if and when she decides she can't stand to be alone anymore she will hurt workaholic Tony and that makes her feel sorry. So what do you think Gina should do?

With all that being said the truth of both stories and of the many others I have encountered the bottom line is this: most of the women who are experiencing this type of discomfort really had all intentions of loving their selected mate until death do you part. Now it seems that these beauties are living each day wondering, when and if. Not a good way to spend the day. Maybe, just maybe the Tony's and Paul's of the world will just stop and realize that eventually the ones they hold under the thumb can never be replaced and hopefully for all involved it won't be too late.

Car Shopping with my Favorite Person.....Dad!

This is his next one...on me!

Good morning friends! I hope everyone is back in action, hangovers from the New Year resolved and ready to conquer the guaranteed challenges that await us. I for one am headed out this morning to finalize yet another would be hurdle that comes with helping my parents.

I had the honor of taking my father (who I love more than anyone on this planet) out car shopping on Monday afternoon. Oh the baby boomers.........so regimented and so oblivious to the technologies and cruelty of the world. Dad asked me to help him go and buy a new car. What? A father asks his daughter to go and negotiate for him? Holy shit---women can't buy cars! Well according to my father he would have no one else go with him but little old me. He also told me about a 1000 times that he does not know what he would do without me. Awwww. To me that meant, hey Sunday don't even try and move away again--you will break your father's heart! Talk about pressure.

At first I thought, "Man, I always get stuck doing the hard stuff!" If you knew my handsome daddy-0, you would know that my old man thinks cars still cost 10K. So, taking him out in hopes of having him sign his name to a few new years of debt is a challenge of its own. We left mom behind because she is much worse with the idea that things really do cost a whole hell of a lot more than they did in 1982.

So my point with all of this is: What a blessing it is that I can help my parents. What an honor it is to have them trust me and only me to make sure they do the right things. What a shame it is that I have an older brother who can only do for himself. My dad (who is not 100% healthy) proceeds to tell me the entire day that this will be the last car he buys. Will it be the last car he ever buys? Yes it will.

I can rest assured knowing that I can and will always be ready, willing, and able to assist him and have earned his confidence and respect. It is a pretty huge deal to me. I suppose the idea of remaining "daddy's little girl" goes out the window when you become the needed "adult" child. I think it is a privilege and wanted to share it with everyone.

Another little secret to share: What my father doesn't know is that he is right, this will be the last car "HE" ever buys for himself. The next one has 2 doors, a V-8 engine and a sticker price that would currently give him a heart attack. But he won't be signing his name, he will be handed the keys and told by me..."Thanks dad, sorry it took so long, but go and put the pedal to the medal and try not to get too many tickets! (He loves to speed!) Well off to the dealership to make my old man proud.

Rise and Shine...It's a New Year--2008!

A quick note thanking all my fabulous "IF Crusader's" for stopping by last night to take our picture...I would say it turned out pretty good! Nice job taking the pic Jimmy!

Alas, 2008! I have been waiting for this one since the minute I arrived after 12 years "head in hands" at my parents door in 2004....soon to say, "MISSION COMPLETE, NEXT QUEST CAPTAIN SUNDAY!"

I had to throw that out there and if you know me you know what the hell I am talking about--but besides my obvious welcoming of the New Year I suppose I should do what most do and spent a moment reflecting. So....what did I do in 2007 that I should have done differently and how will I learn from my "so called" inadequacies? Don't you love that we are supposed to do this shit! I wonder who made that up? Anyway here is what I think:

• I should have had a whole lot more fun.


• I should have got a better handle on my anxiety and used it to my advantage.


• I should have got out of this house more instead of using it as such a comfort zone.


• I should have spent more time helping others--I do a lot of that, but there is always room for more.


• I should have displayed my good looks and vast wit in a greater societal circle.


• I should have saved more than I spent.


• I should have gotten at least one of these millions of swirling thoughts in my head published...that was just laziness.


• I should have picked my Sunday NFL lineup better. Very bad year....


• I should have told Numnuts how much I really love him a little more and also told him what a pain in the ass he can be a few more times.


• I should have had more sex.

That is the end of woulda, coulda, shoulda. I have learned to live my life with as few regrets as possible--I don't think it is healthy to put ourselves down about what we may have done wrong. It is not as if I am going to completely change everything about me just because I have to buy a new calendar!

I for one feel as if the date 01/01/2008 is a reminder of how time is passing and not so much of what is new. I am excited about a few scheduled events this year and feel confident that my holding pattern that I previously spoke of will have slight reduction in time, but besides all of that and the few ideas posted above--all is just as good as it has ever been!

For the record: Once in awhile I get an email from a friend or two who thinks that my writing on here is displaying some hidden message of my unhappiness. My whole hearted response to that is.....obviously we never talk or maybe we just email, because if you spent any time with me (personally) you would know that I am one of the most pleasant people around and truly take each day as a gift. I simply LOVE ranting once in awhile and instead of sitting around like so many do and saying, "Oh poor me" I tap the keys and say whatever the hell I feel like spitting out. No hidden misery and lots of love!

So, may I wish you all a very humble passing of the old year and I hope you find a nice calendar! And please, let's spare the resolution crap! I always hated that one. How about a few wish I woulda's? Then we can try and make sure we help each other do those things this year!

TTYL8R, RU OK? UR MY BFF: Creating a Society of Morons!

Whoever invented text messaging should be shot! I think it is the number one cause of communication breakdown in our society. Over Christmas I got 6 "Merry Christmas" text messages. Nice gesture, but damn is it that hard to just pick up the phone and blurt it out for a whole 2 minutes? I think text messaging is a complete and utter cop-out and let's people excuse themselves from REAL communication. It basically says, "I have just thought about you for 30 seconds and I really don't want to talk to you, but hey it's the thought that counts--right?"

On Wednesday I took my niece and nephew to the mall. Yes, I know--brave and selfless. Anyhow, they both got new phones from Xmas and the entire ride there and for some of the duration of our visit-- there was the constant beep, beep, beep of incoming and outgoing text messages. I finally put a stop to it, but not once did these kids utter a word to their preteen mutants. It was ridiculous. God only knows that they were sending (probably Aunt Sunny has a fat ass) and if I were a parent there is no way my kids would be allowed to be sending these uncensored, unmonitored, God knows what--never ending-secretive-meaningless-misspelled-blurbs.

Sure let's help all the morons who can't spell as it is create their own language. That's what I would want for my child. No need to spell it properly or even feel as if you must speak, just send it in a text message--that's good enough. What the fuck is wrong with this world? Why are we allowing this ignorant form of laziness to surpass the necessary traditional means of conversation and communication?

I asked my niece if she ever goes over to her little girlfriends house and just hang out. This is exactly what she said, "Not too often Aunt Sunny, we just text." It made me sick. What happened to slumber parties and going to your "BFF's" house just to talk about the boys in school? I saw something on 20/20 last night that stated that more than 7 million people have clicked on the moronic site You Tube to watch this ugly little kid sing a song about chocolate, then this little monster got a commercial deal with Dr. Pepper and appeared on talk shows. It was absolutely ridiculous and if I were one of America's millions of enemies I would be doing just as they are.....LOL at what misfits we have become.

R U ABLE 2 TLK? I think so. Where is the sophistication? Where is the expression? Where is the passion in your voice and sincerity in your eyes? What if I am not telling the truth? Fuck it..no need, I'll send a text message.

Proud to be an American....NOT!

Well hello friends! I know it has been some time since I tapped my little fingers on the keyboard, but as with all of you--the holidays exhausted any free time. But, I am back and have a whole lot of new things to share so I hope you all will find the time to say hello and flatter me with your correspondence.

So, my thought for today is as follows: How in the world can people maintain professional jobs and be so damn incompetent? I had an appointment this morning with someone at 9 A.M. Having inherited my Italian grandmothers ridiculous 6th sense.....I decided to call said appointment host only to be told that he decided to take a few more days off and would not be returning to his PAID position until next Wednesday.

Since when can you just drop important-scheduled appointments and not bother to contact anyone? Don't bother calling me, I will just rearrange my whole day for this asshole so that he can sit on his fat ass at home a little while longer. This all runs in the same category with me about those who are late, those who completely suck at their jobs that we have to tolerate and my other biggest one--not getting what you pay for.

I ordered an online gift certificate for Numnuts at Boatersworld.com. Do you know these jerkoffs took my large amount of money (immediately) then claimed 3 times to have sent me what I ordered and then accused me of not being able to properly use my email. Now I am no genius, but one thing I do know is how to use this damn computer AND MY EMAIL! It was some little Asian guy who didn't even speak English telling me that it was my fault. I went berserk....

Needless to say, I called back the office where I had a scheduled meeting this morning and tore a new asshole in his supervisor making sure to state that I had lost valuable time and money because of his employees ignorance and negligence.....then I demanded my money back within 24 hours from Boatersworld.com and told them to find at least one person who might speak fucking English to deal with the public. I refuse to take this shit as a consumer and member of what is supposed to be a competent society. Do some research...this type of shit does not happen in other nations. This is a sloppy, American trait.

Everyone needs to watch the movie Sicko by Michael Moore. It clearly reiterates how screwed up our society really is. Americans are fat, lazy, selfish, ignorant and our government is intolerable. Many in our society do not deserve the freedom that we all take for granted. Watch the movie and you will see what I am talking about. We let our people starve and die of illnesses that can be prevented...how is this possible? I for one am 100% for socialized medicine.

Hillary Clinton tried for it years ago (and then got bought out)--maybe this round she can make it happen. Unless of course all of the fat, lazy, insured people would prefer a few more children go without care and let's not forget all of the hero's from 9/11 and our wounded soldiers who now wait for their demise because they have no health care. I could rant for hours on this one, but just watch the movie.....

So, how's everyone else doing today?

Fa la la la la............

(This is an actual picture of a Walmart store on Black Friday--scary, isn't it?)


My, my, my.....where have the days gone. It has been almost a week since I bitched about the Steelers. Now I get to decide if I want to give up on them this week or not---again!

So, what have all of my fine "IF" contributors been up too? Let me guess--scrambling around to get Christmas in order so that all of your hard work and efforts can be squashed within a matter of hours? Moving money around from here to there so it doesn't look like you have spent as much as you have? Making the plans on how in the world you see everyone in the short hours provided in the Christmas timeline? Scrambling to get the cards out even though we know everyone just opens them and says, "Oh that was nice."

If this is you--then we have something in common. I would love to revert back to the childhood excitement once in awhile. Do you remember lying in bed Christmas eve just praying that sleep will find you so that you can run downstairs in the morning to confirm that you have been a good girl/boy? That was the best!!!!

Do you remember where you were when you found out that Santa was really mom and dad who were dealing with all of this anxiety? I do. My brother ruined it for me. He dragged me out of my toasty warm bed and we crept down the stairs, peeked around the corner and saw the pseudo "Santa & Mrs. Claus" putting all the gifts that my father broke his back to provide--perfectly around the tree. I should have known at that point my brother would turn out so troublesome!

Anyway, in the midst of all of our madness to ensure a bright and cheerful holiday for those we love--I suggest we stop for a minute, close our eyes and get back that feeling of excitement, if just for a moment. I did it yesterday (while Darren and I were fighting over where to park at the mall) and it made for a better event!

We must keep in mind that millions around the world would kill for the luxuries of life that we so easily take for granted. As American consumers it seems our biggest concern during this time is deciding what digital picture frame has the best resolution and will Best Buy really get more Nintendo Wii's before xmas? The shame of it all..........

Stop, breath, and thank God.

Feminine Instinct.............

Thanks to the Pittsburgh Steelers inability to cover the spread that should have given them hope---my Christmas is canceled. See what happens when I have too much time on my hands! I really need to get out more and gambling should be illegal!

Just kidding--it is a lot of fun as long as you don't lose more than you have. I know many of you are big Steeler supporters, but I think I should have gone with my old ways of betting...

PICK THE BEST LOOKING QUARTERBACK! When I was a teenie-booper I would spend every Sunday at my Nonnies house watching and picking every game on the tube and eating the best damn sauce in the country! My uncle and I used to put our money where our mouth was and attack the NFL lineup: 2/3 team parlays, teasers, straight wagers, and my old favorite, "I'll take the points--love to support the underdog."

My strategy used to be designed around the color of their uniforms and the attractiveness of the quarterbacks. I used to win all the time. I loved the Dolphins (Danny Marino and that uniform made my car payment many a times). Now that I am older, I still enjoy the occasional dabble in the Sunday excitement, but I think I need to go back to my old ways.

So, Tom Brady (who is mighty fine) and the color blue (which I love) would have made me a big winner yesterday. This has also worked well with Brady Quinn (Notre Dame) in the past. Another fine example of why I need to follow my feminine instinct.

For the record---I know I am supposed to be a big "Steeler Supporter" but damn they play like a bunch of school girls sometimes. I don't care how good New England is supposed to be.....that was embarrassing.

Hardening of the Heart...

A very dear and respected male friend of mine has suggested a topic that I believe is affecting him--so it is our duty to see if we can give some positive insight. Since most of us can relate to this issue, I am sure all perspectives will be appreciated. So here it goes:


Why is it so difficult for us to open up and accept a potential new relationship after our hearts have been destroyed?


I will address this from my personal experience. I had a 5 years stint with someone for whom I would truly consider the love of my life. He was not all what I had dreamed of, but he was the only person that I feel I loved enough to have considered marriage and children with. Sadly, he was no where near mature enough or committed enough to make me pursue that direction, but I loved him immensely--still do.

After the end of the relationship which was trying throughout....I immediately put up my defenses and decided that no one would ever make me feel that way again. The feelings I speak of are unconditional love, fear, joy, resentment, excitement, jealousy, anger, betrayal, and unbridled sexual passion.

I was not young per say when this relationship ended...I was 31. When it finally did, I felt a tremendous loss and a lot of feelings of mistrust. I figured if these feeling could result with him, they may occur again and I would not let that happen. So for about 2 years I stayed as far away from any man that could potentially sway me to love again. I really didn't think I could ever fully regain those emotions---even though the one I had originally loved was so wrong for me. I didn't know that then...hell I just figured that out recently.

I did eventually establish a new relationship (the one I have now), but I do think the loss that I felt from my past love has rolled over to make me more aware of his faults and not as accepting. So, is Numnuts being punished because of my previous love. Maybe a little. It is not intentional, nor do I compare the two, but the amount of grief I felt when we parted was so much that I will never let anyone make me love them that much.

So..my advice to you my dear friend: Give it time, do not ask for more than you are willing to give, talk with her openly about your willingness to be patient, and make an effort to show your unique qualities. When a woman has fallen hard..it is something she will never forget. No matter how wonderful life becomes, if we gave our heart once--we can give it again, but it may have shrunk a little or now wears a protective coat, but it can and will be used once the fear has subsided.

If she is truly worth it to you...the time you have with her will be valuable. It may not be or ever be the full amount you want, but do not take it personally. New age women have decided that we can survive without being led by a man and many whose hearts have hardened have found it easier to just do without. I do not think that is the best recourse, but for some it may take years of self discovery and the eventual lonliness to kick in--but the odds are she will come around if you are worth it. And my friend you are worth it so just be patient.


Please share some of your experiences.....

Dear Sunday:

Thank you for your interest but, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. In other words, I don't have time nor do I care what you want from me. And I am too wrapped up in my own selfish age old needs to give a insanely driven, committed and potentially valuable team player like you an opportunity. I would rather sit here in my big cushy corner office and click and delete every email that comes from great women like you--who might actually think of me as a mentor. My how I love this country. As long as I stay white and old...I am good to go!

Oh how I love the world of technology. Our fabulous information highway has made it possible for people to crush one another without even muttering an actual word. The past few days I have received three different rejection emails. Two were from big PR companies I was attempting to work for and the final was from an online magazine I pulled my hair out to produce a ridiculous "How To" article that in my opinion was better than anything I have seen on their site. And no I am not being biased...it was too well written.

Ironically, I am surprised that I received any correspondence whatsoever. My point with this is how easy it has become for anyone to just squash another in a matter of seconds. Think about it---you can send an email that is of grave importance to you and within a matter of seconds the recipient can come back with a complete and utter shut down of your dreams or aspirations. Crazy.......

I think companies should be required to meet with every individual that has enough interest to even want to work for them. I am not saying that every Tom, Dick, and Rita that thinks they have a shot should be cordially invited to sit with the CEO, but if someone is qualified, educated, and aggressive enough to pursue you--then they should be able to pitch their intent face to face.

If I was a big gun at one of these firms--I would be curious about potential team players. My thoughts would be, "I wonder if this pain in the ass little shit can be molded and guided to make me more money." Simply rejecting people via email is a loss to our workforce and just another victory for "Old Whitey" as I call him who has sat at the helm far too long.

Am I pissed off that I keep getting rejected---sure am. Will it stop me from continuously pursuing what I know I deserve--no fucking way. What I will do once positioned where I feel I should be is make a valiant effort to let those who took 13 seconds of their lives to tell me no---why they should have taken 15 minutes to tell me yes. I am tired of the old white men ruling the universe....I really mean that.

I Forget Sometimes.....But Only For a Moment.

For all my southern friends...see what you are missing? I do love winter in the city!

Well, sorry for the piss poor mood yesterday, but hey we are all entitled to have one now and then. It is those who continuously have them that should consider medication. I am feeling pretty good this morning....I really do blame hormones for my mood swings. I wrote about it early on when I started this thing. It is the only aspect of being a woman that is dislike.

It is a beautiful morning here in the burg and the "snow is a fallen!" It really is a beautiful sight--unless you head out before the lazy ass salt crews. I can't help but think of all of the people who are effected when this type of weather sets in. I am snuggly warm, sitting at my pretty table next to my beautiful Xmas tree...snug as a bug.

But do you know how many families are sitting right now cold and unable to crank their furnaces to a sweet 72 degrees? A whole hell of a lot. It is times like this that I feel shameful that I have the nerve to complain. I suppose we all forget that once in a while. I am making it my mission to stop and reflect when I do my spoiled baby, oh poor me act. Like I said--it is the hormones. Maybe today we can each stop what we are doing and look at our surroundings and thank the man upstairs and those who share in our vast fortunes. I did.

So, when is the last time all of you fine dressed "IF" Crusaders went through your closets? With this cold weather creeping in.....I bet there are hundreds of great folks out there that would appreciate that sweater Aunt Barb got you 2 years ago. I am going to spent the early part of the afternoon putting together some bags of my privilege together in hopes of warming up a few people. Anyone care to join me? Today may be a good day to give back.

OH AND HEY JIMMY......YOU ARE GOING TO PASS. KEEP SAYING IT, OVER AND OVER. YOU ARE GOING TO PASS, YOU ARE GOING TO PASS--GET EXCITED! IT WILL WORK.

Beyond Disappointment.........

I am in a pissed off mood with nothing nice to say so I will heed the advice of my dead grandmother and keep my mouth shut. Anybody have anything funny or nice to say--please chime in and I will gladly respond. Yesterday sucked and for some reason it has rolled over to today and if I could blink my eyes and wake up anywhere else--I would.

How are you doing?

Jigsaw Puzzle

It seems that Life could be compared to a giant jigsaw puzzle
With each person like each piece
Having a place where they fit perfectly
Yet so many in there need to belong
Grab the first place they come to
Then try to make it fit
And because of this
They are never quite in harmony
With their adjoining pieces
Thus they never get to know
The way it was truly meant to be

Author unknown