The Power of One.......

For the record: I do not think this picture is funny, I think it is sad and displays the twisted anger of those dealing with this loss.

Why do we put the fate of our own happiness in the hands of another? Everyone I know does this. EVERYONE! So, before I get deep into this--and the skeptics "come a runnin"...every person I have ever met has allowed another person to cause them severe misery at one point in time.

Why do we let this happen? Is it that love thing? Is it that we don't love ourselves enough? Aren't there more important things we could be doing with our time than being absorbed in emotions caused by another human being?

Here is what I think: We are taught to establish relationships, we are groomed to make them meaningful and beneficial to continue the procreation of the human race. Problem is...we have to pick one person. How in the world is one person supposed to meet all our desired needs? It is impossible so we make due with what we have and go on.

We pick a person, (sometimes abruptly) and we try and try to make a wholesome and loving environment usually sacrificing many of the joys of life, but we try. Now what happens when that someone decides they don't want us anymore or we don't want them? You have just spent years accepting the relationship, building a future and suddenly you are left with nothing. According to many in this situation--the nothing they feel is ridiculously overwhelming and sometimes intolerable. So what are they to do?

A very good friend of mine has had his entire world overturned thanks to the unwarranted decision of his wife of 20-some years to leave him. According to him--she would not accept his attempt to provide more for his family when he had to start working 100 hours a week. This man who is insanely kind and loving is now shattered because she so selfishly decided not to accept his work ethic.

I being someone who has lived with a workaholic for several years understand her dismay--slightly, but I could not imagine destroying someone just because they are making an attempt at a better life for me and our family. This is all that he has done. The first 20 years this guy was home for dinner, always there for the kids, pampered his wife and now he is left to pick up the pieces that she tore apart and it is very trying.

My friend is just one of many whose world is upside down because of another. How can one person be so powerful? How long will it take for this great guy to heal those dagger wounds? Why is so much precious time and energy taken from him all because of another human beings ability to be so wretched? It is an age old mystery.......

My point with all of this is: If we love ourselves more than we love another, will it help us when the relationship fails? How is it possible for some to just walk away, rip the life out of another and go on? I for one have always been pretty good about moving on--it has come with age and experience. I have also found a tremendous love of thyself. I wasn't looking for it, time spent alone will do that to you, but I am glad I found it.

So the discussion here today folks is--what can we do to protect ourselves from the wrath of another. If we lose someone of are forced to release someone, what is the best way for a quicker recovery? If you are a heartless freak, then this one is not for you. I know a lot of people going through divorce and I have to tell you---it is frightening. The anger and hurt is almost inhuman. Maybe we should just spare ourselves the potential dangers and not expect anyone to fulfill us.....but what would we have then? It is just so confusing.

Should we all just become emotionless zombies? Oh and for those are thinking...just find someone else--that migth work for some, but I doubt it is the best answer. My suggestion to my friend is for him to turn that hurt for her into admiration of himself.

Any thoughts?

Car Shopping with my Favorite Person.....Dad!

This is his next one...on me!

Good morning friends! I hope everyone is back in action, hangovers from the New Year resolved and ready to conquer the guaranteed challenges that await us. I for one am headed out this morning to finalize yet another would be hurdle that comes with helping my parents.

I had the honor of taking my father (who I love more than anyone on this planet) out car shopping on Monday afternoon. Oh the baby boomers.........so regimented and so oblivious to the technologies and cruelty of the world. Dad asked me to help him go and buy a new car. What? A father asks his daughter to go and negotiate for him? Holy shit---women can't buy cars! Well according to my father he would have no one else go with him but little old me. He also told me about a 1000 times that he does not know what he would do without me. Awwww. To me that meant, hey Sunday don't even try and move away again--you will break your father's heart! Talk about pressure.

At first I thought, "Man, I always get stuck doing the hard stuff!" If you knew my handsome daddy-0, you would know that my old man thinks cars still cost 10K. So, taking him out in hopes of having him sign his name to a few new years of debt is a challenge of its own. We left mom behind because she is much worse with the idea that things really do cost a whole hell of a lot more than they did in 1982.

So my point with all of this is: What a blessing it is that I can help my parents. What an honor it is to have them trust me and only me to make sure they do the right things. What a shame it is that I have an older brother who can only do for himself. My dad (who is not 100% healthy) proceeds to tell me the entire day that this will be the last car he buys. Will it be the last car he ever buys? Yes it will.

I can rest assured knowing that I can and will always be ready, willing, and able to assist him and have earned his confidence and respect. It is a pretty huge deal to me. I suppose the idea of remaining "daddy's little girl" goes out the window when you become the needed "adult" child. I think it is a privilege and wanted to share it with everyone.

Another little secret to share: What my father doesn't know is that he is right, this will be the last car "HE" ever buys for himself. The next one has 2 doors, a V-8 engine and a sticker price that would currently give him a heart attack. But he won't be signing his name, he will be handed the keys and told by me..."Thanks dad, sorry it took so long, but go and put the pedal to the medal and try not to get too many tickets! (He loves to speed!) Well off to the dealership to make my old man proud.

Fa la la la la............

(This is an actual picture of a Walmart store on Black Friday--scary, isn't it?)


My, my, my.....where have the days gone. It has been almost a week since I bitched about the Steelers. Now I get to decide if I want to give up on them this week or not---again!

So, what have all of my fine "IF" contributors been up too? Let me guess--scrambling around to get Christmas in order so that all of your hard work and efforts can be squashed within a matter of hours? Moving money around from here to there so it doesn't look like you have spent as much as you have? Making the plans on how in the world you see everyone in the short hours provided in the Christmas timeline? Scrambling to get the cards out even though we know everyone just opens them and says, "Oh that was nice."

If this is you--then we have something in common. I would love to revert back to the childhood excitement once in awhile. Do you remember lying in bed Christmas eve just praying that sleep will find you so that you can run downstairs in the morning to confirm that you have been a good girl/boy? That was the best!!!!

Do you remember where you were when you found out that Santa was really mom and dad who were dealing with all of this anxiety? I do. My brother ruined it for me. He dragged me out of my toasty warm bed and we crept down the stairs, peeked around the corner and saw the pseudo "Santa & Mrs. Claus" putting all the gifts that my father broke his back to provide--perfectly around the tree. I should have known at that point my brother would turn out so troublesome!

Anyway, in the midst of all of our madness to ensure a bright and cheerful holiday for those we love--I suggest we stop for a minute, close our eyes and get back that feeling of excitement, if just for a moment. I did it yesterday (while Darren and I were fighting over where to park at the mall) and it made for a better event!

We must keep in mind that millions around the world would kill for the luxuries of life that we so easily take for granted. As American consumers it seems our biggest concern during this time is deciding what digital picture frame has the best resolution and will Best Buy really get more Nintendo Wii's before xmas? The shame of it all..........

Stop, breath, and thank God.

God Has an Amazing New Angel.......

This morning I received the very sad word from my lifelong friend Hillary that her grandma that we call "Oma" passed away on Saturday, November 24, 2007.

I remember this special woman as being one of the strongest and influential women I have ever met in my life. She was powerful and beautifully soft all at the same time.

Oma was everything I strive to be on a daily basis. She demonstrated feminine strength long before most women realized they could. My deepest and most sincere love and condolences goes out to Hillary and her entire family.

Jansje (Oma's given Dutch name) means "A Gift From God." She certainly was and now our God has her back--Thank you Lord for letting us share her with you. She will be missed in our hearts everyday, but never forgotten.

Thank you Oma for being an influence in my life.

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.......

THE "ONLY" THANKSGIVING SONG---ADAM SANDLER ON SNL

http://www.truveo.com/Thanksgiving-Song/id/153837564

This is a true classic and well worth a look! I hope everyone has a tasty and memorable Thanksgiving Day! I just heard that the average person eats 5000 calories on this day. Isn't that wild? I say eat, eat more, and eat again. Oh and don't forget to thank the cooks more than once.

Everyone needs to get up and carry some dishes and the main cook should sit down. I like football too and probably have a few bucks riding on the game so we should all jump in and get it done!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! I am truly grateful for each and every one of you.

Baby Boom or Baby Bust?

Since we all know my take on children--let's talk about the other blood lined relations we are responsible for.....our AGING PARENTS.

I for one feel it is my absolute duty to care for the well-being of my parents. Sadly, too many "adult children" remain in the position as "child" and continue to take from their parents even though they should be quite capable to fend for themselves, but don't.

My parents are both 60 years old. By no means considered elderly, but statistics show that most life altering illnesses develop during this period of your life and if you beat it---you have a greater chance of survival through the 80's.

So what does this mean to me? It means that I should and can do as much as possible to make their life a little easier. It is my obligation and I do it without any reservations. I know people who still take money from their parents, make them babysitters, basically let their beloved parents fend for themselves with household maintenance and physical obligations.

I say to these overgrown thumb suckers.....shame on you! The years that our parents are discovering are supposed to be joyous and hassle free. We should not drown them with our sorrows and we should make as many sacrifices as necessary to ensure their comfort and security. On a personal note....my only brother is one of these children. He selfishly bombards my parents with his woes in life and I constantly provide all that I can for their comfort.

We need to remember that our parents are responsible for our initial existence and up until we reach maturity, but not for the duration of our lives. The tables should turn and we should want to make life as easy as possible. My parents pretend as if they don't want my help...but they do and they generally appreciate it.

My question to all of you is: Do you or will you provide for your parents when necessary? Do you feel it is your obligation or a priviledge?

I Don't Like or Want Children...So What!

My least favorite question-----"When are you going to make me a grandmother?" I absolutely, 100%, HATE that question. The beautiful part is that my fabulous mother is NOT the one asking. This dreaded topic has been haunting me since my very first Numnuts.

I have learned to somewhat take it as a compliment--every would be mother-in-law I have ever had has asked me to make them a grandmother. Guess that says something about me. I tend to give a smart ass answer nowadays. Something like, "When doctor's figure out how to make them come out of his pee pee." Or, when I decide if I really like you." That one always seems to change the subject. I adore my "someday" mother-in-law, but since I openly tell her that I don't really like children (bring on the criticism) then one would think she would stop asking!

Designer purse snatchers (as I call them) are not for everyone. I love my niece and nephew, but I also love sending them home. There are thousands of "IF" women out there just like me that say, "I just don't like them." As much as I love the holidays.....sadly the topic will come up and usually at the dinner table surrounded by his entire family...

It is time for people to accept the fact that it is OK for a woman to admit that she does not carry the motherly gene. If she is over 35 and doesn't have a DPS there is probably a very good reason.

For the record: My niece and nephew think I am the coolest thing since XBox and for those of you who are fab moms/dads...I do love your children and admire your courage. But don't ask me to babysit or come to the kiddie birthday parties. I will gladly send a great monetary gift that has a purpose.

So my "IF" crusaders......care to admit your likes/dislikes for the little ones?

Lucky Little Me.......

Pittsburgh Steeler's newest fan...Sonnie

I am feeling very grateful today. I can't say there is one particular reason, but I will mention that overall I am one blessed mo-fo! Great friends, loving family, and yes, Numnuts. I try and pick at least one day a week to wake in the morning and identify what is note worthy. Stop for a minute today and reflect on how fortunate you are......you might be pleasantly surprised!

Off to the Steeler game with NC's finest.......Sonnie. I hope those 80,000 people at Heinz Field know what their in for! Have a great day everyone and NM---you are a gem.

Citizen Grateful

Why I get Tired of Doing the Right Thing......

The older I get, I realize that you can be a complete piece of shit and people are going to be good to you. You can be an "ark angel" and people are going to stomp all over you. Not all the time, but it seems the worse you are anymore--the better you get treated. I don't understand it. My point--you can do absolutely nothing and be treated like a superstar. For people like me, who genuinely like helping others, but rarely get any recognition for it---this has become somewhat of a battle.

After my tremendous downfall in 2002, I realized that when the going gets tough...the help disappears. So I decided to do the same---disappear. I made a dramatic change, moved back up North and decided to focus on living as clean and proper as possible (without over doing it of course). Having been at that for almost 5 years, I have realized that it didn't make a damn bit of difference and you could be the next freaking Messiah and people would still run all over you.

If you are a natural born giver (like myself), imagine how much less stress you would have if you just stopped. No more listening every time the phone rings to someone complaining, no more loans or cash donations (since I never get the money back), forget about all the favors and putting your life on hold for others..........just stop doing all of it!!!!!

I would like to learn how to do that. I am not suggesting that we ALL become selfish little trolls, but maybe those who always put others first should just stop for awhile. Like a union strike without the picket signs. I wonder what those around us who expect this added care would do? Maybe, just maybe, they would turn the tables and start taking care of us?

Any thoughts or should I say advice on how to be less giving? I know--horrible suggestion on a Sunday morning, but I hate Sundays.