Ironically, I hate Sundays. Something about them--most of them anyway. I carry with me a huge feeling of emptiness, loss, misdirection and a soft sadness. I wonder what others are feeling today? What are they doing? In the past month I have alienated myself from the few that I have in my life. I am not sure why......something comes over me and I suddenly see them all differently. Not in a bad way--just different.
The vast majority of time people who come to me only speak of the sufferings in their lives. Nothing catastrophic--just miseries. It wears me down...mostly because I too have misery, but want so much to surround myself with positive outlooks--but where are they? Don't get me wrong--I care about their misery, but I can't fix it for them. Maybe that is what bothers me most. I for one do not drown others in my routine aggressions from life mostly because no one but me can make it better. So why bother.
Everybody has an issue. Period.
Where is the humor? What about the just getting together to share a meal these days? Why is everything about what is wrong? It wears me out. Sometimes it can be crippling. When is the last time someone called you and said--hey I am so fucking happy right now I could piss myself!!!! My response would be--just do it, piss yourself it would be hysterical and good for you!!
Do you think the older we get...the lonelier we get? Shouldn't that be the other way around? Through life you build relationships, meet more people and build that network, but do we? If I think back 8 years ago--I was never alone. NEVER. What has happened to us all wanting to be together. Work? Lack of time? Selfishness...maybe.
Some of you have that network I speak of---so, hold onto it and don't hurt it or take it for granted and please, please, please, make them laugh. Call someone today and tell them a knock-knock joke or something so simple. Then when they laugh at how stupid it was take a deep breath and swallow your need to tell them what is wrong with you today and instead make them laugh again.
My quote: "I give and give and give until I can't TAKE it any more."
Sunday, March 30, 2008
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