The 3 Year Plan...

Question: How does everyone feel about my idea that it should be law that married couples MUST evaluate their relationship every 3 years?" Let me elaborate.....

I think we would lower the divorce rate if upon year 3 we were required to sit amongst an impartial mediator and evaluate the happiness and effectiveness of our chosen one. Sounds silly, but think about it. What if when you decided to say "I do"---you do so knowing that you must only adhere to that commitment for 3 years and then you will both have a chance to "opt out" if your expectations have not been met.

Before everyone reads into this as it always seem to happen....I am not referring to me and Numnuts (we are not married), but I am referring to so many I know who have failed with their "lifelong" commitment. That statement alone says it all....I don't think they have failed, but my divorced friends have said it over and over again!

Till death do you part....WOW that is insane! How in the world can you stand there and promise such a thing? That is a lot of pressure!!! There is no other aspect in your life that requires you to succumb to such an idea...till death. I will take this great job, till death. I would like to use your lawn mower Bob, till death do I give it back! My favorite food is pizza..till death. I will honor thy parents..till death. I know many who sadly loathe their parents. You get my drift.

Here is what I believe happens. You are colorfully in love. Awwww. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug..whatever. Back to reality and along comes that dreaded--"Don't worry honey, we won't become that routine couple." Day in, day out, you work, you manage your household, maybe throw a kid in the mix and "POW"--we now have what is to be the rest of your life.

I don't think it is fair. By year 3--you have a better understanding of one another. The va va voom simmers down, you look forward to seeing your mate, but you also look forward to seeing if your mate is going to clean out the garage, fix the damn dishwasher, or throw you on the kitchen floor for a good romp (like he used to back in year 1 & 2).

So what if we have an option to--well, "opt out" without any catastrophic loss. Think about it....when you say, "I do" traditionally, this is "I do" forever. Well, since we all know that is not the case anymore, what if the "I do" was for 3 years and then all parties have an opportunity to sign on for 3 more and on and on. Just knowing that you are supposed to have this mate for life creates a lot of pressure to make it work. Then, if it fails there is so much grief and your entire world crumbles. Ever seen a good divorce? All I see is complete and utter disaster and inhumane hatred--not a pretty sight.

Devising a 3 year plan will soften that blow for the so many that are surprised when their lifelong lover changes his or her mind. They used to call it the 7 year itch. By year 7 you have completely lost your own identity and way too much at stake. By year 3, all joint assets (which means acquired together) will be divided equally without that monstrous battle and if a kid fell in the mix--both parties shall maintain equal custody without the inhumane battle that is sadly par for the course per divorces.

OK, just my thought. Hey, look at it this way...When you want to start a business you are supposed to develop a 5 year plan. Banks want it, private investors want it---you must have one. This soon to be business owner will "commit" to this venture like nothing they have ever committed to in their life, day in and day out. So why not a 3 year plan for something you have little control of?

I mean seriously, who can predict what will happen, how someone might change, or even determine if you really love someone until some time has passed. It is impossible. Just think of the joy and excitement that would come on the 3 year anniversary and you walk out of the room saying, "Glad we both agree" no harm, no foul.

For the record: My parents have been happily married for 41 years and have set the finest example of "till death do you part." Alas, my mom pokes my dad in the morning and says: "Hey you old bastard, dead yet?" It is a family joke..maybe not for everybody!

Someone Call the Guiness Book of Records.........

Sound the alarms! Call the press! Today is a milestone in my life! It is my 4 year anniversay to Numnuts.....4 years! I can't even believe it! This makes the record books as Citizen Sun's longest running relationship---EVER! Since I am soon to be a fabulous 37, it has me doing some thinking about how this has been my longest relationship and why?

I started thinking about my past slew of men (and there have been a few) and I had to question why did Darren make it so long while the others had failed? Then all at once it hit me.....it has everything to do with my age! There is no way in hell I would have made it this long with my sweethearts workaholic mentality if I were younger. So, I suppose, I am what I dispise.......an aging woman who has settled. YIKES!!!! EEWWW! HELP!!! Just kidding, it is ok. Truth is...I haven't married so therefore I haven't really settled--I call it SITTING IDOL....vrooom, vrooom!

Here's the kicker--instead of grabbing my little Numnuts and doing the traditional woman thing--by saying, "It has been 4 years Darren, isn't it time you step up to the plate?" I am leaving town today on a very exciting business trip and while planning that I realized, hey, I got it pretty good! Numnuts doesn't cause me any grief for my last minute out of town jaunts, he works 12 hours or more a day and only needs me for face to face interaction from 9pm-11pm, he does not question my devotion or committment--EVER-- and all and all.....I do as I please.

My point with all of this is: Maybe the time spent with Numnuts was a major growing spurt and also a time that proved that I don't need a man for my happiness! I always knew that one, but I have learned how to manage both ends of the spectrum. So to Numnuts--I say thank you. I can't gaurantee another 4, but I can say that he has been honest, let me grow on my own and throughout the time I learned so much about myself.

For those of you who do not know my Numnuts--as you can imagine, I can be quite the task when warranted...so I think he deserves some credit. Overall, he had the best of care and devotion and for the most part deserved it.....but this party ain't over yet! I feel a huge new sense of empowerment today and since I finally made history for myself---it may be time to shake things up a little!

I told my sweetheart a couple of months ago that everything about 2008 is new and exciting for me--some big milestones are happening. Usually, I change everything in my life on a 3 year rotation....can't wait to see what happens now that I have surpassed my 3 year crunch. Hooray!

Ok...hope everyone is well and feel free to send me congrats on my big achievement! If you know me and my history---you will know that this is a very big deal! God bless Numnuts for breaking the record!

CS

The Power of One.......

For the record: I do not think this picture is funny, I think it is sad and displays the twisted anger of those dealing with this loss.

Why do we put the fate of our own happiness in the hands of another? Everyone I know does this. EVERYONE! So, before I get deep into this--and the skeptics "come a runnin"...every person I have ever met has allowed another person to cause them severe misery at one point in time.

Why do we let this happen? Is it that love thing? Is it that we don't love ourselves enough? Aren't there more important things we could be doing with our time than being absorbed in emotions caused by another human being?

Here is what I think: We are taught to establish relationships, we are groomed to make them meaningful and beneficial to continue the procreation of the human race. Problem is...we have to pick one person. How in the world is one person supposed to meet all our desired needs? It is impossible so we make due with what we have and go on.

We pick a person, (sometimes abruptly) and we try and try to make a wholesome and loving environment usually sacrificing many of the joys of life, but we try. Now what happens when that someone decides they don't want us anymore or we don't want them? You have just spent years accepting the relationship, building a future and suddenly you are left with nothing. According to many in this situation--the nothing they feel is ridiculously overwhelming and sometimes intolerable. So what are they to do?

A very good friend of mine has had his entire world overturned thanks to the unwarranted decision of his wife of 20-some years to leave him. According to him--she would not accept his attempt to provide more for his family when he had to start working 100 hours a week. This man who is insanely kind and loving is now shattered because she so selfishly decided not to accept his work ethic.

I being someone who has lived with a workaholic for several years understand her dismay--slightly, but I could not imagine destroying someone just because they are making an attempt at a better life for me and our family. This is all that he has done. The first 20 years this guy was home for dinner, always there for the kids, pampered his wife and now he is left to pick up the pieces that she tore apart and it is very trying.

My friend is just one of many whose world is upside down because of another. How can one person be so powerful? How long will it take for this great guy to heal those dagger wounds? Why is so much precious time and energy taken from him all because of another human beings ability to be so wretched? It is an age old mystery.......

My point with all of this is: If we love ourselves more than we love another, will it help us when the relationship fails? How is it possible for some to just walk away, rip the life out of another and go on? I for one have always been pretty good about moving on--it has come with age and experience. I have also found a tremendous love of thyself. I wasn't looking for it, time spent alone will do that to you, but I am glad I found it.

So the discussion here today folks is--what can we do to protect ourselves from the wrath of another. If we lose someone of are forced to release someone, what is the best way for a quicker recovery? If you are a heartless freak, then this one is not for you. I know a lot of people going through divorce and I have to tell you---it is frightening. The anger and hurt is almost inhuman. Maybe we should just spare ourselves the potential dangers and not expect anyone to fulfill us.....but what would we have then? It is just so confusing.

Should we all just become emotionless zombies? Oh and for those are thinking...just find someone else--that migth work for some, but I doubt it is the best answer. My suggestion to my friend is for him to turn that hurt for her into admiration of himself.

Any thoughts?

Wife Swap--Threesomes. Not for Me-Some!

A few years ago several of my "coupled" friends started doing something I would have never imagined them doing. They would party all night and SWAP. You know what I am talking about...lose all of their inhibitions and engage in sexual activities with someone other than your partner and vice-versa.

As open minded as I claim to be--this is something that I have never been able to comprehend. I understand the erotica...but could I stand by and watch Numnuts bang some wildly-willing fresh meat? No fucking way.

Admittedly, I have used my half-tainted-creative-mind to visualize this act during a mid afternoon "solo" romp, but the idea of watching him tear into some new beaver is stomach churning.

Confident or not......sharing your Numnuts (in my opinion) is an admission of you feeling unable to satisfy your mate. As stagnant as relationship sex can become---there must be another way.

Threesomes---let's see. You are single, it is Tuesday, you are having some drinks with one of your fabulous "IF" friends and the 6'2 hot ass bartender is ready and willing.....what the hell.

For the record..the couples I am referencing above (wifeswap) are no longer coupled. Correlation?

Opinions/Experiences?