My least favorite question-----"When are you going to make me a grandmother?" I absolutely, 100%, HATE that question. The beautiful part is that my fabulous mother is NOT the one asking. This dreaded topic has been haunting me since my very first Numnuts.
I have learned to somewhat take it as a compliment--every would be mother-in-law I have ever had has asked me to make them a grandmother. Guess that says something about me. I tend to give a smart ass answer nowadays. Something like, "When doctor's figure out how to make them come out of his pee pee." Or, when I decide if I really like you." That one always seems to change the subject. I adore my "someday" mother-in-law, but since I openly tell her that I don't really like children (bring on the criticism) then one would think she would stop asking!
Designer purse snatchers (as I call them) are not for everyone. I love my niece and nephew, but I also love sending them home. There are thousands of "IF" women out there just like me that say, "I just don't like them." As much as I love the holidays.....sadly the topic will come up and usually at the dinner table surrounded by his entire family...
It is time for people to accept the fact that it is OK for a woman to admit that she does not carry the motherly gene. If she is over 35 and doesn't have a DPS there is probably a very good reason.
I have learned to somewhat take it as a compliment--every would be mother-in-law I have ever had has asked me to make them a grandmother. Guess that says something about me. I tend to give a smart ass answer nowadays. Something like, "When doctor's figure out how to make them come out of his pee pee." Or, when I decide if I really like you." That one always seems to change the subject. I adore my "someday" mother-in-law, but since I openly tell her that I don't really like children (bring on the criticism) then one would think she would stop asking!
Designer purse snatchers (as I call them) are not for everyone. I love my niece and nephew, but I also love sending them home. There are thousands of "IF" women out there just like me that say, "I just don't like them." As much as I love the holidays.....sadly the topic will come up and usually at the dinner table surrounded by his entire family...
It is time for people to accept the fact that it is OK for a woman to admit that she does not carry the motherly gene. If she is over 35 and doesn't have a DPS there is probably a very good reason.
For the record: My niece and nephew think I am the coolest thing since XBox and for those of you who are fab moms/dads...I do love your children and admire your courage. But don't ask me to babysit or come to the kiddie birthday parties. I will gladly send a great monetary gift that has a purpose.
So my "IF" crusaders......care to admit your likes/dislikes for the little ones?
So my "IF" crusaders......care to admit your likes/dislikes for the little ones?
16 comments:
What's DPS? I think it's fine to not want kids. I'm over 35 and I don't want them either! They are an awesome responsibility and I think that people who say I want them like they're a Christmas present, those people are the screwed'up ones. Besides, you'd be a serious MILF and all the kids would want to hang out at your house. Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I take it that you call all of your bows numnuts??? I guess you just haven't found the right guy to call sunshine, or sugar lips, or the man who makes me say OHHH YEA BABY!!!
That's too bad darling. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you don't want kids because of these numnuts your with???
Hell I never wanted a little snotty head of cabbage running around either until I met the right someone and then my whole outlook changed. It's kinda of funny how just finding that right one can change your entire view of things.
Now I have three and couldn't be happier. If you knew me 10 years ago you would have never thought I was one for kids, hell I never thought I was one for kids, but then that certain someone changed everything. I find myself now wondering how my grandchildren will be and then think who the f^%ck would ever have thought this was possible of me...
I remember having the mindset you described and I look back on it now and think, what selfish little shit I was. I'm not saying that about you dear and you may never meet that mister right that puts your world on edge and ROCKS YOUR WORLD, but if you ever do I would love to talk with you afterwords to find out your thoughts and feeling then..
I do agree with Jimmy though all the kids would want to hang out at your house because you would be one red hot MILF (lol).
I totally disagree with the previous comment. Meeting Mr. Right or not, would not make me want to bring a child into this f'ed-up society we live in!!!! I think you either feel maternal or you don't- end of story! I think the thought of being pregnant nauseates me w/o even being preggers...Live your life however you (in general) wish, but I'm living mine without kids and will enjoy my life and do what I want to do. That may sound selfish, but I feel it's pretty selfish of people who have kids and don't even take care of them, rich or poor!!! Like you said Jimmy, it cracks me up to hear people talk about them like they're a wanted X-mas gift. Get real! If you want kids, get some furkids...now that's unconditional love without any major hardships...I feel that the reason why people question you about breeding (like why haven't you already) is that they want you to experience the miserable road that led them to where they are today. I never have people ask me this question who do not have children already...that's cuz they're completely satisfied and ok with the fact that we're not here on this planet to marry the oppposite sex and procreate or breed as I like to call it...Again, we're all entitled to our opinion here, but if I meet this so-called Mr. Right then I want him all to myself so we can have fun and LIVE life. To me, LIVING life does not mean settling down and having babies. To each his own!:)
To shay my dear, to shay.
So why is it that you feel that people who have kids don't even take care of them, rich or poor!!! I would hope that you don't think all parents are like that...
And hardships come whether you have children or not. In as much difficulty as a hardship can be, it can be viewed as a positive if you use the hardship to better youself. I know that's easier said than done but it doesn't have to be a negative.
Do you really feel that the only reason people ask you about having kids is because they want you to experience the miserable road that led them to where they are today.
WOW, I find that a very hard pill to swallow, but as you say we are all entitled to our own opinion here, but it certainly sounds like someone had a very rough childhood, but again, as you say, to each his/her own :)
Well, if you're going to analyze and judge me like some kind of "shrink", then I'd say you must have been born with a "silver spoon" in your mouth...Touche!
I feel it's very disrespectful that people ask these questions: 'Why aren't u married?'; Don't u want to have children, it's your god-given right?'; 'The clock is tickin', what are u waiting for?'. I would love to reply to each of these questions like this:
Oh, I'm sorry, did I pass the store where I can go in and buy a great husband! Maybe I DO want children, but I physically cannot have them, so thanks for reminding me. Or, what am I waiting for, for your info I've had a miscarriage each time I became pregnant and I don't happen to have an xtra $20-$50K to adopt one.
It just floors me that people are just so blatantly ignorant w/o even realizing it...such a pity!
So again, please, DO NOT try to go all "Dr. Phil" on me...YOu want to go and talk about a bad childhood, then you are one of those people...Whether I did or did not, why would you try to stir up a memory that someone would not want to be reminded of or share with you! Again, 'you' being a general term...So to anyone reading this, please think before you go and blurt out things that may be very hurtful to that person.
I just reread and realized what DPS was. Holy shit is all I can say about this issue!
Glad you figured it out Jimmy! Ok, well Mrs. Laura...where do I start? Numnuts if I must explain is simply a cute little name I call my beloved beau of 4 years. He thinks its funny and in no way offensive. As for me not wanting children because of the "men" I have loved and currently love...I would think they would take offense to that and so do I. I am the deciding factor as to whether or not I want children. If my mate selection was so horrific that it made me not want a child-I would be a very shallow, pityful woman who probably shouldn't have children. If I was with someone who wasn't good enough to help me manufacture or raise a child "IF I WANTED ONE"..then I would be a pathetic soul. For the record the few men in my life that I had prolonged relations with would be excellent fathers, but knowing what I want in my life has kept me from making the wrong decision therefore I am very happily childless. Why are you so quick to assume that anyone who has choosen a different, yet happy lifestyle then yourself must have some deep rooted issues? Believe it or not most of the women who join me on this forum are without major drama or battle wounds. I certainly appreciate your "motherly insight" but stating that because I call my man Numnuts and we don't want babies does not constitute him being the wrong man or me having traumatic childhood horror stories. Also, I am one of the least selfish people on this planet. What is up with that? You seem rather deep seeded my dear. Your decision to have children with the man who you call sugarlips is just fine...but your claim that my not wanting children is because of Mr. Right is sad. Truth be said..if I really ever wanted a child I wouldn't need Mr. Right because I am Ms. Right. Rather biased opinion and exactly what the great women who are not spawning more children then the world needs get really tired of hearing. That attitude is exactly why men are still the leaders of this nation and why women remain repressed. I do value your insight because it completely reiterated my initial point. That's for the milf compliment(I think)..although I will just stick with being a someone that Numnuts likes to f#*k. Thanks Laura!
I seem to have stirred up quite a few emotions with you ladies. It was never my intent to attack or offend any of you ladies. To anyone who I may offended I certainly apologize.
I thought I was just stating my opinion, and offering a rebuttle to some of the remarks that I felt were directly aimed at my comments. Afterall isn't part of this entire forum. Maybe not, I'm not sure now. Anyway ladies to anyone who was offended by remarks I sincerly hope you will accept my whole hearted apology.
If I ever chime in again I will make sure I choose my wording more carefully and restrain myself from giving my whole hearted opinion.
Dear Laura:
You are exactly right...this is an open forum and of course you are expected to add your "whole hearted" opinion. I would NEVER want everyone to just agree with me. Boring and useless. So, no need to apologize--these topics are supposed to create some fricton (that's what makes them topics)! Just as you posed your views--the rebuttle was sure to come. This is part of life and also why I present such issues. They have two sides, sometimes three and should be explored. I appreciate your chimming it...I told you that--so please, continue at will. If the only perspective was my side then the freedom we all take for granted on a daily basis would be null. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE EVER! But I do thank you for your concern--no ill feelings here. I like you! You fit right in! We are different women in different environments--all sides should be explored. The idea is to use the differences of both perspectives and use them to support each other. I hope you do not shy away because of the little bit of criticism...this is nothing. Just because we are ALL strong women does not mean we have to agree. I welcome your perspective without it how are we supposed to solve the issues that are presented? For the record--you knew those comments were going to spark some hype! Good for you! Bring it baby, I like you!
Best,
SB
Well,it was never my intention to hurt anyones feelings and the last thing I wanted to do was stirr up anyones bad memories.
I was just stating what I perceived as "the obvious" after reading those comments. Ya know there is free help and support groups available to address such issues, but anyway, enough about that.
I can handle the criticism I just don't want to hurt anyone or stirr about any past hurt. Thanks for clarifying evrything else citizen Sun I really do enjoy reading the articles and comments daily.
BTW - Who is Dr. Phil??? :)
You baffle me Laura...but that's what makes you all the more interesting. A little confused about who needs support groups-I write about social issues. I try and stay clear of heavy duty life scarring issues. I think you may have misreads ???? intent. She was not reflecting on her past--she was proving that one never knows the true reason so people should just butt out. Anyway, keep coming back and feel free to suggest a "social issue" if you like. I will post what you address up front. Thanks.
CS
Thanks Citizen Sun for the last comment...I was a little confused and baffled myself after reading Laura's then yours then hers again. I was ready to begin pounding at these keys but when I went on to read your last comment, you took the words right out of mouth. That's exactly what I meant! Nothing to do with stirring up my old memories or getting "help". Just think before you ask questions that could really be personal for someone. I was totally ready to let bygones be bygones on this issue, but I don't think I can on this one. Before I say something to someone that may be inappropriate, I will say this: NEXT TOPIC PLEAASSEE!!! I suppose I feel too strongly on the matter and would rather discuss things with people who do not belittle others.
Done deal ????. Thanks for your powerful yet delicate insight...my dear. I truely invite revolving sides on topics---I think it is crucial for us to really see all sides. I do appreciate your time and personal perspective! Remember the importance of differences...how boring would it be if we were all the same! xoxo
cs
I have lost a fourth of my mind with one child and another fourth with the second. I'm halfway to the psych ward. Although, when I've had a rough day, the first ones to brighten my mood are my little ones.
For the record Lucky Em...YOU KNOW I LOVE YOUR LITTLE ONES!! As I have told you a thousand times--you are one of the best mothers I have ever met and a sexy one at that! Welcome! (I think you would be 1/2 crazy with or without them, but I know they keep you grounded)
ha ha ha....
Wow, it's great to know that there are very strong women out there not afraid to talk openly!!!!
I personaly think kids are great, generally speaking, and love hanging out with them, they ask questions, speak their minds, show genuine curiousity and concern for others and their surroundings, very creative and funny and do not judge (until taught to do so). I have baby sat, have 2 nieces and a nephew I love dearly and I volunteer and work with some at the local Domestic Violence Shelter so I also see the ones that have challenged lives already...
So my point of view AND speaking only of myself, think that with having them comes a great responsibility and one I have not been ready for myself and not sure if I ever will. It is a conscious choice and one I'm happy with and proud of.
For me, I am perfectly fine spending time with and helping the ones that others have brought into the world and that will make up our future. I believe I have a motherly instinct and make use of it in other ways then having the responsibility of raising my own...Sun I think you have it to0 because you always are taking care of those around you!
But that does NOT mean you have to have children of your own if you do not want!
I do not pass judgement on any woman for making choices that are best for her! Who am I to ever say what is best for anyone but myself!!!
But I will have to say, honestly (comment if you'd like), that women that have NO motherly instinct and no business having children that they WILL NOT take care, really bother because it's the children and the rest of society that will have to pay the price. And I stress WILL NOT...this is not directed at anyone specific or those that really try and love being a MOM! I have known women that have no desire to be a mom give birth to children with no desire in taking the responsibility and it kills me to see what the kids go through!
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