The 3 Year Plan...

Question: How does everyone feel about my idea that it should be law that married couples MUST evaluate their relationship every 3 years?" Let me elaborate.....

I think we would lower the divorce rate if upon year 3 we were required to sit amongst an impartial mediator and evaluate the happiness and effectiveness of our chosen one. Sounds silly, but think about it. What if when you decided to say "I do"---you do so knowing that you must only adhere to that commitment for 3 years and then you will both have a chance to "opt out" if your expectations have not been met.

Before everyone reads into this as it always seem to happen....I am not referring to me and Numnuts (we are not married), but I am referring to so many I know who have failed with their "lifelong" commitment. That statement alone says it all....I don't think they have failed, but my divorced friends have said it over and over again!

Till death do you part....WOW that is insane! How in the world can you stand there and promise such a thing? That is a lot of pressure!!! There is no other aspect in your life that requires you to succumb to such an idea...till death. I will take this great job, till death. I would like to use your lawn mower Bob, till death do I give it back! My favorite food is pizza..till death. I will honor thy parents..till death. I know many who sadly loathe their parents. You get my drift.

Here is what I believe happens. You are colorfully in love. Awwww. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug..whatever. Back to reality and along comes that dreaded--"Don't worry honey, we won't become that routine couple." Day in, day out, you work, you manage your household, maybe throw a kid in the mix and "POW"--we now have what is to be the rest of your life.

I don't think it is fair. By year 3--you have a better understanding of one another. The va va voom simmers down, you look forward to seeing your mate, but you also look forward to seeing if your mate is going to clean out the garage, fix the damn dishwasher, or throw you on the kitchen floor for a good romp (like he used to back in year 1 & 2).

So what if we have an option to--well, "opt out" without any catastrophic loss. Think about it....when you say, "I do" traditionally, this is "I do" forever. Well, since we all know that is not the case anymore, what if the "I do" was for 3 years and then all parties have an opportunity to sign on for 3 more and on and on. Just knowing that you are supposed to have this mate for life creates a lot of pressure to make it work. Then, if it fails there is so much grief and your entire world crumbles. Ever seen a good divorce? All I see is complete and utter disaster and inhumane hatred--not a pretty sight.

Devising a 3 year plan will soften that blow for the so many that are surprised when their lifelong lover changes his or her mind. They used to call it the 7 year itch. By year 7 you have completely lost your own identity and way too much at stake. By year 3, all joint assets (which means acquired together) will be divided equally without that monstrous battle and if a kid fell in the mix--both parties shall maintain equal custody without the inhumane battle that is sadly par for the course per divorces.

OK, just my thought. Hey, look at it this way...When you want to start a business you are supposed to develop a 5 year plan. Banks want it, private investors want it---you must have one. This soon to be business owner will "commit" to this venture like nothing they have ever committed to in their life, day in and day out. So why not a 3 year plan for something you have little control of?

I mean seriously, who can predict what will happen, how someone might change, or even determine if you really love someone until some time has passed. It is impossible. Just think of the joy and excitement that would come on the 3 year anniversary and you walk out of the room saying, "Glad we both agree" no harm, no foul.

For the record: My parents have been happily married for 41 years and have set the finest example of "till death do you part." Alas, my mom pokes my dad in the morning and says: "Hey you old bastard, dead yet?" It is a family joke..maybe not for everybody!

Good Morning Beaver!

I have a question that I would love to be answered by both genders. Ready...here goes: Do all men send pictures of nasty, naked women to one another via text message/email? This may sound like a senseless question and I am sure most of the women would say--hell ya they do, but I really wonder.

Here is why..yesterday I was sitting comfortably on our boat minding my own business when all of a sudden something came over me and I decided to fumble my way through numnut's cell phone. I know what you are saying (men) "Oh how dare she?" Whatever..it was there. Anyway, the very first thing I found was a text message sent in the morning from a 58 year old male friend of Numnuts that contained more than 10 wildly open beaver shots. There was some girl on girl, of course the oversized booby babe and to my dismay--wide open beaver!

Now, if you know me, I am far from a prude and I am pretty damn confident in my sexuality, but for some reason it urked me. I didn't make a big deal about it and have it ruin our day, but I did ask him why his old timer friend thought that he needed or should I say would enjoy this first thing in the morning? I mean after all--Numnuts has me to look at and although I may not have the DDD mammoth boobs, I have my assets.

So, ladies, does your man receive these type of morning jumpstarts and are you offended by it? Do you feel it is disrespectful of the sender to assume your man NEEDS to be on the list of ones who might enjoy such visuals?

Gentlemen: Before you hit me with "boys will be boys" at what point (age) do boys stop being boys and become gentle-men? My main response to Numnuts was: Ok honey, how about I put together a slide show of well endowed, firm assed, big shouldered, 6'2 men and send it out to all of my female counterparts? Would you like that dear?

He responded with a simple--No. Then he reminded me that it was sent to him and that he was not the initiator. My money says that if it were not intercepted he would have become the initiator and passed it on to some other dumb ass man friend. Let's not forget the quick defensive comment, "Why are you reading my stuff anyway?" I said, I was horny and looking for some porn, he had no response, of course."

For the record: The man-boy that sent it originally is almost 60, overweight, balding, divorced, and can't find a piece of ass to save his life so therefore justified, but Numnuts has me to fondle at will so where of where is the correlation?

"Your Space" is Creepy

I have never been one to reject an open forum for communication, but what purpose does "myspace" have in our crippling society?

Here is my opinion on adults who relish in their myspace page. People grow the f*** up! Ok, Ok, maybe that was harsh, but damn sparkles and techno and your how old? Let's start with the basics. One might say, Citizen Sun, you are no better, look at you and your "IF" Crusade. My response before I really humiliate those with a sparkle fetish is: At least the conversations I put out there are in an adult fashion and not to be viewed by children--- Sparkle Barbie!

So, you are 30, maybe 40 something and you spend at least 15-30 minutes a day posting shit about yourself and others so that anyone from anywhere can read about. Ok, fine, you want people to know you are not too old to party. Next, the pictures....come on people, even if you still look ok in the bikini, or those little mid-driff tops, is that something you want potential clients, employers or hell the stalker down the street to see?

It starts with the teeny boopers, like my niece. She claims to be 15--she is 12, she no longer wants to do anything outdoors, she chats back and forth with hundreds of other teeny boopers who post pictures of puppies and sparkles. That is because that is all I allow her to do. Many of her friends have half naked pics of themself, tons of foul language and talk of issues that are way out of their league. Do you know why??? Because they see all of those "adults" on those pages doing the same exact thing and what the hell--it must be ok, Aunt Sunny is doing it. No Aunt Sunny is not! Aunt Sunny is all grown up and does not need to blast half naked, drunken pictures of herself on the www. for the world to know that she has not matured.

Now, the bigger issue...TECHNO AND SPARKLES. This really creeps me out. Pictures of cute and fury animals, top friends in their 20's, myspaces created for 4 and 5 year old children-all done by GROWN women! These mothers even have pics of their little girls in bikinis! WTF is wrong with all of you? Seriously, I get it, you want to retain your youth and exploit your children--nice! Do so in the privacy of your own little twisted world.

When a 13 year old and a 40 year old are sharing the same entertainment and communication tools there is something not right. For the record, my niece is well aware that I monitor her every move and she is fine with it, she also knows that the "grown" women that plaster themselves on there are NOT role models. For those of you who do not set "yourspace" to private--there are small influencial children reading about your big night on your back again--way to go! Some of you even let your children read about your antics! The shame of it.

Ladies, I expect this from our male counterparts (forever adolescents), but not from you. Use the time you spend looking for pictures of fat people farting or a glimmering image stating you are a "Diva" towards something beneficial and influential. Write an article about why our youth is turning into a bunch of morons (your fault by the way) and set an example or create a suggestion of how to help. Myspace, yourspace, waste of space.

Back Again!

My oh my it has been some time....

What can I say, I can be a slack ass once in a blue moon right? But, I have not forgotten my favorite place to rant. Maybe, just maybe, I had nothing to say. WRONG! I became enthralled with finding a "real" job. So yes..this is what I have done. I have now entered the place I swore I would never be--under the thumb of a corporate giant. EEEK! Yes I have succumb to the robotic world of 8-5. Do you believe it?

Actually, it is not that bad and I am not stuffed in a cubicle all day. I am what you call a professional saleswoman, but I don't sell anything, I rent it. For those of you who don't know I took a job with Fox Broadcasting and basically I am to find those in this slumped economy that have enough dough to spend in order to make more dough. So, if anyone needs a marketing tool that has been proven effective for years and has about 50K they would like to dish out give me a call.

So, the other issues at hand that I always enjoy ranting about....I think relationships (male/female) are the biggest drawback to our daily lives. Don't get me wrong, I like the animistic approach to the mating, but I could live without all the rest. I still have my numnuts and yes he is probably one of the better of the herd, but nevertheless a thorn in my side sometimes. Can't live with--can't live without--not sure.

Family: Good to have, hard to hold. It is so difficult managing their lives too. That brother of mine can still throw daggers even from a distance. How do some people live with themselves? I believe every one of us has a family member that thrives off hurting others. The only recourse for this type of individual is to simply dismiss them. When you are one of two children is can be a bitch picking up the slack for the wayward one, but I survive.

Friends: Necessary and needy. Ever really thought about your role with your friends? True friends wear many hats. I like hats and I look pretty good in them too! I do miss the old hey let's just get together and NOT talk about your woes in life. I for one really try not to complain about life to my friends...that is what family is for. Friends are for comfort and relaxation. They are the humorous buffers between responsibility and reality. So my thought of the day on friendship--drop the drama and use the time with your friends for laughter. No one wants to hear your woes all the time--lighten up.

Finally, make time for you. I have never been one to say it is all about me, but it is. If I can't focus on me, then I surely can't focus on you. For those of you that make more than enough time for yourself and not enough for others---step back me, myself and I--your not that important.

Ok kids, have a great day and good to be with you again.