This will probably bore most of you, but what the hell. I have a solution for anyone who may get a spare hour, have some anxiety, come home and be disgusted by the days events, view the world as a slow progression as the armpit of the world, or just plain want to feel good........

You must turn on TCM (Turner Classic Movies). I for one am not much of a T.V. rat, so trust me when I tell you this is worth a look. It never fails---early morning, late night, Sunday afternoon, rainy Monday, this channel will uplift your spirit and remind you of how exceptional the world used to be.

This morning I woke at 4:34A.M. and decided to stay there for a few extra minutes. Instead of the misery of the morning news (murder, corruption, finance woes, those disgusting presidential elects) I would enjoy my favorite click to good ole TCM. I really lucked out!

This morning a great classic titled "Red-Headed Woman" was on and I was immediately enthralled. Produced in 1932, starring Jean Harlow and Chester Morris--is a perfect addition to your morning delight. Oh the beauty of those people and those days. I would have killed to live in the that era! The woman are smart, sassy, sexy, and RESPECTED. Everyone is dressed, the men are shaved and obviously smell good (I love their suits and hats), the women have places to wear a fabulously tailored dress (they have gorgeous curves), the drama is healthy and enlightening--not grossly violent or sexually fowl, their grammar is perfect and they REEK of class and seduction.......everyone. Let's not forget the music--you can actually feel the pleasantries of the notes.

Could you even imagine such a beautifully simplistic way of life? I can. Thanks Ted Turner for showing me at any hour of the day what I missed and how fucked up we are now. Come on....women respected? Watch an old movie people.

Cheers.

The Power of One.......

For the record: I do not think this picture is funny, I think it is sad and displays the twisted anger of those dealing with this loss.

Why do we put the fate of our own happiness in the hands of another? Everyone I know does this. EVERYONE! So, before I get deep into this--and the skeptics "come a runnin"...every person I have ever met has allowed another person to cause them severe misery at one point in time.

Why do we let this happen? Is it that love thing? Is it that we don't love ourselves enough? Aren't there more important things we could be doing with our time than being absorbed in emotions caused by another human being?

Here is what I think: We are taught to establish relationships, we are groomed to make them meaningful and beneficial to continue the procreation of the human race. Problem is...we have to pick one person. How in the world is one person supposed to meet all our desired needs? It is impossible so we make due with what we have and go on.

We pick a person, (sometimes abruptly) and we try and try to make a wholesome and loving environment usually sacrificing many of the joys of life, but we try. Now what happens when that someone decides they don't want us anymore or we don't want them? You have just spent years accepting the relationship, building a future and suddenly you are left with nothing. According to many in this situation--the nothing they feel is ridiculously overwhelming and sometimes intolerable. So what are they to do?

A very good friend of mine has had his entire world overturned thanks to the unwarranted decision of his wife of 20-some years to leave him. According to him--she would not accept his attempt to provide more for his family when he had to start working 100 hours a week. This man who is insanely kind and loving is now shattered because she so selfishly decided not to accept his work ethic.

I being someone who has lived with a workaholic for several years understand her dismay--slightly, but I could not imagine destroying someone just because they are making an attempt at a better life for me and our family. This is all that he has done. The first 20 years this guy was home for dinner, always there for the kids, pampered his wife and now he is left to pick up the pieces that she tore apart and it is very trying.

My friend is just one of many whose world is upside down because of another. How can one person be so powerful? How long will it take for this great guy to heal those dagger wounds? Why is so much precious time and energy taken from him all because of another human beings ability to be so wretched? It is an age old mystery.......

My point with all of this is: If we love ourselves more than we love another, will it help us when the relationship fails? How is it possible for some to just walk away, rip the life out of another and go on? I for one have always been pretty good about moving on--it has come with age and experience. I have also found a tremendous love of thyself. I wasn't looking for it, time spent alone will do that to you, but I am glad I found it.

So the discussion here today folks is--what can we do to protect ourselves from the wrath of another. If we lose someone of are forced to release someone, what is the best way for a quicker recovery? If you are a heartless freak, then this one is not for you. I know a lot of people going through divorce and I have to tell you---it is frightening. The anger and hurt is almost inhuman. Maybe we should just spare ourselves the potential dangers and not expect anyone to fulfill us.....but what would we have then? It is just so confusing.

Should we all just become emotionless zombies? Oh and for those are thinking...just find someone else--that migth work for some, but I doubt it is the best answer. My suggestion to my friend is for him to turn that hurt for her into admiration of himself.

Any thoughts?

Moral Martha is a Drag.........

When we decide upon our choice of mates--how do we really know that this one is the right one? What if you venture off on a weekend business trip and just happen to sit next to someone who actually finds you as interesting as you really are? What if this person has all of the elements you have described in your head a million times as your perfect mate? What if they are available and you are not?

I bet this happens all the time. But how many people go home and think, "Boy, I would love to have someone like that!" I bet that happens all the time. What if they have that thought and then look over and find their chosen one is the exact opposite as this fancy new stranger? I know what they do.....they sit there and stay miserable to uphold their morality.

Here is what I say to that: Fuck morality. Besides the tales of heaven and hell, what has morality ever done for anyone other than really give you a good conscience? Did you ever get an award for your good morality? Did all your friends and family stop by with a "cake and presents" the day you decided to NOT accept a drink from a hot guy across the bar? Did you get a promotion and corner office because you live your life as "Moral Martha?" NO.

Oh and for those who always think I am referring to myself with this one--your right! Anyway, here is the meanings of morality:

1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

2. moral quality or character.

3. virtue in sexual matters; chastity.

4. a doctrine or system of morals.

5. moral instruction; a moral lesson, precept, discourse, or utterance.

We immediately need to remove #3. And for #4, I want to know who wrote the doctrine and why do I have to live by a system? For #5, who's the instructor and what do they know.

Oh I bet you christian people are boiling about now! How dare she...the morality she speaks of was spoken by Christ. Right? I feel ya, but Christ lived a very, very, long time ago and let's face it things have changed. I haven't seen a camel rolling through the grounds in awhile....so maybe we need to update our "new and improved" list of what is and is not morally acceptable.

For the record: I am not only referring to morality as per relationships--we are plagued with its restraints in everything we do. My definition of morality is one word: Guilt.

We feel guilty for eating wrong, sleeping too much, talking too loud, looking too good, have big money, having no money, I have even felt guilty for giving too much. I assure you in my mind this all goes hand-in-hand. I am going to have to get back to this subject later, but if your out there and you want to beat me up about the Christ thing, or you want to tell me the world would be utter caios if we dropped a bit of the morality then please.......I would love to hear from you. Our woes in the world have nothing to do with morality--it comes from greed. Entire new subject for later.

Again for those of you who think my writings display some hidden message of misery--pick up the phone and call me. You will see I am a very happy person with a wicked mind that likes to rant--so don't be so dramatic!

Citizen Martha

Is it Really Easier? No, it Sucks.

Hello sweets. That is my newest greeting to those I care for. Anyway, lately I have found myself discussing and of course listening to a various individuals talking about their "committed" relationships. What I have discovered is no secret, but to hear it over and over again and quite honestly relate to it in some sense is sad and should be addressed.

My "research" has shown that more than 85% of women who are in a committed relationship for more than 3 years claim to feel trapped in their supposed bliss because they CAN'T AFFORD TO LEAVE! YIKES!!!!! I swear to God this has been the response of almost everyone woman I come across. It send chills up my spine when I think about this (as I do of course) over and over. So let's explore exactly what that means.

Let's say her name is Sandy. She is 32, beautiful, has two little ones (also beautiful) and her other half, Paul is the primary bread winner. Now Sandy has remained a great companion, mother, home maker, and even put a massive attempt into obtaining her education and has dreams of becoming a marketing mega star! Here's the problem: Paul is an ass. He treats Sandy like a child and not like an equal. He clearly enforces that she is the lesser of the two because she is not providing the household income and has even tossed poor Sandy and the babes to the curb a few times. Tell me what Sandy is to do?

My immediate response to Sandy is to bury that SOB, but in reality she has no where to go, no money to get there, and ultimately feels like a failure breaking apart her family. So, she stays, takes his verbal abuse and will most likely spend the rest of her life wishing she were somewhere else. The only other possibility is when Sandy finishes school, she will get a job in her desired career path and be able to tell jackass Paul to go fuck himself. But do you know how hard that will be with two kids in tow? I couldn't even imagine.

Next case: Gina. She and her man Tony have been together for 4 years. They had planned early on to work together to make a future and all was heavenly bliss for the first 2 years. Tony is a workaholic, never even attempts to spend any time with Gina, nor does he appreciate her for the never ending love and care that she displays for him on a daily basis. So what's the problem? Gina has been busting her ass to achieve a new career goal for the past 4 years. When she met Tony she had just recovered from falling flat on her face after a 10 year run of independent success and failure. OK still no big deal, but here it comes.......although Tony is not a bad guy per say, he has never taken any interest in her abilities, potential, dreams or any of her wants and needs. He has basically pulled her in and left her to spend 7 days a week with no one. For the record: Tony does not share in his success with her--other than paying the majority of the household bills. She fends for herself, but has the ease of not paying the mortgage. Her name is not on the house so she refuses to pay rent to him. Tony throws that one in her face all the time.

Why you might ask? Because Tony is again the primary bread winner. His income surpasses hers and he is well aware that if Gina leaves him because of her loneliness she will struggle economically and her plans that she has been working on for their future may crumble because she will have to probably work 2-3 jobs to remain in the lifestyle she is accustomed to. OK, some might say, "If she is that unhappy then she should just leave and so what if she has to live in a little rinky-dink apartment and work 10 jobs." After 4 years of truly standing beside her man, making his life as comfortable and pleasant as possible..why should she have to struggle and give up her dreams just because he is a spoiled baby? So she sits and she waits. She is waiting for one of two things: Either Tony is going to wake up one day and realize what a prize he really has (in reality we all now this is not going to happen) or Gina is finally going to get what she is working towards and then be torn as to whether she CAN leave him or not.

You might be saying--why wouldn't she leave him if she is that unhappy? Here is her answer: The guilt is overbearing and although Tony could care less about her happiness, she knows he is not a bad guy. She also is one of those women who is prone to putting every one's happiness before her own. She thinks if and when she decides she can't stand to be alone anymore she will hurt workaholic Tony and that makes her feel sorry. So what do you think Gina should do?

With all that being said the truth of both stories and of the many others I have encountered the bottom line is this: most of the women who are experiencing this type of discomfort really had all intentions of loving their selected mate until death do you part. Now it seems that these beauties are living each day wondering, when and if. Not a good way to spend the day. Maybe, just maybe the Tony's and Paul's of the world will just stop and realize that eventually the ones they hold under the thumb can never be replaced and hopefully for all involved it won't be too late.

Car Shopping with my Favorite Person.....Dad!

This is his next one...on me!

Good morning friends! I hope everyone is back in action, hangovers from the New Year resolved and ready to conquer the guaranteed challenges that await us. I for one am headed out this morning to finalize yet another would be hurdle that comes with helping my parents.

I had the honor of taking my father (who I love more than anyone on this planet) out car shopping on Monday afternoon. Oh the baby boomers.........so regimented and so oblivious to the technologies and cruelty of the world. Dad asked me to help him go and buy a new car. What? A father asks his daughter to go and negotiate for him? Holy shit---women can't buy cars! Well according to my father he would have no one else go with him but little old me. He also told me about a 1000 times that he does not know what he would do without me. Awwww. To me that meant, hey Sunday don't even try and move away again--you will break your father's heart! Talk about pressure.

At first I thought, "Man, I always get stuck doing the hard stuff!" If you knew my handsome daddy-0, you would know that my old man thinks cars still cost 10K. So, taking him out in hopes of having him sign his name to a few new years of debt is a challenge of its own. We left mom behind because she is much worse with the idea that things really do cost a whole hell of a lot more than they did in 1982.

So my point with all of this is: What a blessing it is that I can help my parents. What an honor it is to have them trust me and only me to make sure they do the right things. What a shame it is that I have an older brother who can only do for himself. My dad (who is not 100% healthy) proceeds to tell me the entire day that this will be the last car he buys. Will it be the last car he ever buys? Yes it will.

I can rest assured knowing that I can and will always be ready, willing, and able to assist him and have earned his confidence and respect. It is a pretty huge deal to me. I suppose the idea of remaining "daddy's little girl" goes out the window when you become the needed "adult" child. I think it is a privilege and wanted to share it with everyone.

Another little secret to share: What my father doesn't know is that he is right, this will be the last car "HE" ever buys for himself. The next one has 2 doors, a V-8 engine and a sticker price that would currently give him a heart attack. But he won't be signing his name, he will be handed the keys and told by me..."Thanks dad, sorry it took so long, but go and put the pedal to the medal and try not to get too many tickets! (He loves to speed!) Well off to the dealership to make my old man proud.

Rise and Shine...It's a New Year--2008!

A quick note thanking all my fabulous "IF Crusader's" for stopping by last night to take our picture...I would say it turned out pretty good! Nice job taking the pic Jimmy!

Alas, 2008! I have been waiting for this one since the minute I arrived after 12 years "head in hands" at my parents door in 2004....soon to say, "MISSION COMPLETE, NEXT QUEST CAPTAIN SUNDAY!"

I had to throw that out there and if you know me you know what the hell I am talking about--but besides my obvious welcoming of the New Year I suppose I should do what most do and spent a moment reflecting. So....what did I do in 2007 that I should have done differently and how will I learn from my "so called" inadequacies? Don't you love that we are supposed to do this shit! I wonder who made that up? Anyway here is what I think:

• I should have had a whole lot more fun.


• I should have got a better handle on my anxiety and used it to my advantage.


• I should have got out of this house more instead of using it as such a comfort zone.


• I should have spent more time helping others--I do a lot of that, but there is always room for more.


• I should have displayed my good looks and vast wit in a greater societal circle.


• I should have saved more than I spent.


• I should have gotten at least one of these millions of swirling thoughts in my head published...that was just laziness.


• I should have picked my Sunday NFL lineup better. Very bad year....


• I should have told Numnuts how much I really love him a little more and also told him what a pain in the ass he can be a few more times.


• I should have had more sex.

That is the end of woulda, coulda, shoulda. I have learned to live my life with as few regrets as possible--I don't think it is healthy to put ourselves down about what we may have done wrong. It is not as if I am going to completely change everything about me just because I have to buy a new calendar!

I for one feel as if the date 01/01/2008 is a reminder of how time is passing and not so much of what is new. I am excited about a few scheduled events this year and feel confident that my holding pattern that I previously spoke of will have slight reduction in time, but besides all of that and the few ideas posted above--all is just as good as it has ever been!

For the record: Once in awhile I get an email from a friend or two who thinks that my writing on here is displaying some hidden message of my unhappiness. My whole hearted response to that is.....obviously we never talk or maybe we just email, because if you spent any time with me (personally) you would know that I am one of the most pleasant people around and truly take each day as a gift. I simply LOVE ranting once in awhile and instead of sitting around like so many do and saying, "Oh poor me" I tap the keys and say whatever the hell I feel like spitting out. No hidden misery and lots of love!

So, may I wish you all a very humble passing of the old year and I hope you find a nice calendar! And please, let's spare the resolution crap! I always hated that one. How about a few wish I woulda's? Then we can try and make sure we help each other do those things this year!